Ben Pruchnie, Getty Images
"My bulimia was my addiction, hurting myself was my addiction," a teary-eyed Nicole confessed to the cameras. "I never did drugs, but doing things to myself was my addiction." Nicole says her battle peaked in 2003 as she prepared to go on her first tour with the Pussycat Dolls. She suffered a backstage meltdown when faced with the dancing-turned-singing group's skimpy on-stage wardrobe.
"I got my outfit and it was a bra and some underwear and some garters, and I was like, 'I can't do this.'"
As the disease got worse, the singer's body showed the telltale signs, including scars and blisters on her fingers and hands. "I tried to hide those, but I think the girls [bandmates] could tell," Nicole says. Fellow Pussycat Doll Ashley Roberts confirms she and the rest of the bandmates knew exactly what was going on, saying, "We all knew. I saw the scars on her fingers. When you stick your finger down your throat, acid stuff comes up and it scars your fingers."
Until now, Scherzinger kept her battle with the disease a secret, saying she never wanted to come across as a "victim." "I've never spoke about it. It's embarrassing. I did it every day for, like, years ... I hated myself. I really was so disgusted with myself. I felt so alone. I was in a group and I never felt so alone in my life."
Now 34, Nicole says she's stopped the abuse to her body. Her "Behind the Music" episode airs this Sunday (Oct. 7) on VH1 at 9PM ET, but you can watch two clips of her on-camera confession below.
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